Years ago I worked inside a company where the official values poster talked about teamwork and respect. The actual culture was drama.
I learned this on a Tuesday afternoon in a hallway. Two leaders were trying to make a decision in a room down the hall. One of them stepped out, caught me on my way to the kitchen, and said, "Can you believe what she wants to do? It is ridiculous. I do not know what she is thinking."
It took fifteen seconds. I did not ask for it. I did not want it. And it cost the team months of damage that nobody could trace back to that hallway, because the conversation that needed to happen was not happening, and a different one was happening in my ear instead.
That is what drama does. It takes a small problem and makes it permanent. It drains energy that should go toward the actual work. And in the year we are in right now, it is more expensive than it has ever been.
The two halves go together
When I started writing this value down, I noticed something I had been missing for years.
High ownership without low drama is exhausting. Passionate people creating conflict everywhere. Smart, capable, deeply engaged - and impossible to be around for more than two hours without someone needing a walk.
Low drama without high ownership is mediocrity. Pleasant people doing pleasant work. Nobody fighting, nobody pushing, nothing changing.
You need both. High ownership means you bring your best energy and effort to the work. You care about the outcomes, not just your tasks. You take responsibility for the whole, not the parts that were assigned to you. Low drama means you do not gossip. You do not triangulate. You address issues directly, respectfully, and quickly.
The combination is rare. It is also the only combination that scales.
The triangulation test
There is a one-question test for whether something is drama. I learned it the hard way.
If you would not say it to their face, why are you saying it to me?
That is it. That question, asked honestly, will end most of the drama in your organization in about a week.
Triangulation is when you have a problem with Person A and you take it to Person B. There are honest reasons to do that - sometimes you need counsel before a hard conversation, sometimes you need a witness, sometimes the issue is genuinely above the level of the person you have a problem with. But most of the time it is none of those things. Most of the time it is conflict avoidance dressed up as "processing."
You are talking to Person B because it is easier than talking to Person A. You are offloading your discomfort onto someone who cannot solve the problem.
I have done this. I have done it as a young employee. I have done it as a leader of leaders. I have done it inside the church, where it sounds especially holy when you frame it as "I just need to think out loud." Most of the time when I am tempted to do it now, I picture the person I am about to talk about sitting in the chair with us. If I would not say the same thing with them in the room, I do not say it.
That is the rule. It is not complicated. It is just hard.
do Name the dynamic out loud with new team members in week one. Address triangulation the moment you see it, curiously. Confess when you catch yourself doing it. :::
action
1. Name the one conversation you are currently routing around. 2. Picture the person in the room when you describe the issue. 3. Put the conversation on the calendar this week. 4. Open with intent and care, then name the behavior directly. 5. End with one agreed next step, not a verdict.
What is the conversation you have been routing around, and when this week will you actually have it?
